house hunting

What do house hunting and online dating have in common?

“…going to view new flats is like going on a first date, every time you hope, this should be the one!”

While I was hunting for a new place of living, I found more and more similarities with online dating situations.

1. Browsing on the Internet

You go to the dedicated websites and search according to your desired qualities.

Number of bedrooms, location for flat hunting.

Age, height, hobbies – when looking for a date.

You choose someone based on how articulate the author of the profile is (in the case of flats – how skilful the letting agent is)

In both situations one should remember that …”beauty is in the eye of beholder…”

The profile on the dating site said “muscular build” which in reality turned out to be a fancy way of describing being slightly overweight.

When the property description states that it has 3 bedrooms, in the reality those three bedrooms were squeezed into the space which is much smaller than my 2 bedroom flat.

Tip: Don’t get your hopes high just by reading profiles. They are written in the way to draw your attention and make the move – to contact for more details. Keep your mind open.

2. Pictures

They also serve to catch your attention. Pictures can be deceptive though. I don’t mind that the person on the picture looks better than in real life however when somebody puts on pictures that were taken 10 years ago I think it’s a bit desperate and can backfire.

I can easily adjust to the person whose photo on the dating profile differs from the reality, but I was really disappointed to discover truth when dealing with property viewings. There were only two pictures of the house – one – the house from outside and  the other was the kitchen. Kitchen looked enormous, so I naively thought that if the kitchen is so big then the rest of the house should be decent size too. It turned out that it was an open plan kitchen and the rest of the rooms were tiny.


Dating: Keep an open mind. Don’t go on a date with somebody just because they look hot on the picture, make your decision about meeting up with the person based on conversations you had.

Property: be ready that pictures don’t show reality, base your decision to appoint the viewing on location, price and description.


3. Instant chemistry

Subconsciously we are looking for somebody we can click instantly from the day one and very often (at least me) we consider the possibility of the second date only if there was a “connection” on the first date.

This was my initial approach in looking for a property as well, it should be a “wow factor” entering the property or I wasn’t interested. Though when you have limited budget available it’s difficult to find the property that takes your breath away.

As you may guess it was my approach to dating situations as well –  it’s either “butterflies in my belly” effect  and the second date or we “can be just friend”. I should admit that instant chemistry dates usually didn’t work out in the end.

Tip: Give your date (property) a second chance. If your first encounter didn’t make your heart beats in excitement don’t write it off just yet. Get clarity what is the deal breaker for you, and if there is anything you can’t overlook only then turn the candidate down.

For example, I don’t mind if a man doesn’t make much money but being stingy is a deal breaker for me (and I don’t support the idea that a man should always pay on date, on the contrary, but if the man goes Dutch on the first date it’s a turn-off moment for me).

The house I’m moving in didn’t wow me in the beginning (it doesn’t have a bath tub, only shower) but something was very attractive about it. The more I thought about it, the more I liked it and I could picture myself living there for a long-term. After viewing it for the second time, I came to the conclusion that I liked it very much and now I’m looking forward to the day when I start living there. Give the second chance almost to everybody.

4. Believe in success

In the current property and dating market it is easy to succumb to the belief that the best options are taken and it’s difficult to find somebody/ something very decent nowadays.

The idea of giving up is very tempting and only the necessity to find a new place kept me going. I gave up on online dating a long time ago. My experience with flat hunting made me revisit my views on online dating and I would give it another go.

Tip: Yes, there is always a high demand for things and people you are looking for and at the same time there is abundance of everything you need.

Suggestion from Julie Geigle   helped me a lot. Julie wrote on my FB wall:

“The perfect place, is coming at the perfect time, for the perfect price. Now see it, believe it, and feel it. Know that this is true!”

You can substitute the word “place” with anything that’s important for you. This affirmation gives you strength when it seems that you’ve reached the dead-end.


5. The Art of Letting Go

There are moments when you can’t get exactly what you want. The property that you liked so much had been taken the moments before you made an offer or the promising date suddenly disappeared from your life.

Looking back at the situations when I’ve almost made an offer for the property but due to various reasons couldn’t get it, I’m feeling very happy that it didn’t work out because my current property is the best deal I’ve got and I’ve saved more than £1,000 as the result.

I’m very grateful to all my dates who decided not to pursue relationship with me because the best suitable partner is awaiting me.

Tip:  If there are too many obstacles on your way to the desired results,  stop and let it go,  don’t get attached to the particular outcome, allow events unfold in a natural way. (It’s not a suggestion not to take actions by the way, just step back for a moment and reflect.)

I would like to share a beautiful tip regarding dating and love from Orna and Matthew

Love Note of the Week:
Love is easy.  If it isn’t easy, it is not Love.

“Release the belief that Love is hard.  Release the need that Love must show up in a certain way, from one particular person.  Love is limitless and ever expanding.  If it feels contracting, it is not love.   The right relationship is easy, particularly in the beginning.  Release the need to struggle for it to feel like love – that is not love, it is attached to your imprinting of how you learned to receive love.  Learning that love can be easy is the first step!”


Please share your tips and insights on finding a new place or new love!

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26 thoughts on “What do house hunting and online dating have in common?

  1. Theresa

    Another thought: sometimes a house may not look so great but there may be potential if you are willing to look beyond the exterior and see the jewel within. Same goes for online dating – the person may not have all of your criteria – for example, maybe they are divorce with children – but keep an open mind and see the heart, see the potential.

    1. Inga Deksne - Motivational Life Coach Post author

      Thanks Theresa. I agree with you that if there is a potential, there is future.

  2. Teresa

    Lovely comparisons! I particularly liked noticing that you don’t have to feel that chemistry but to pay attention to your deal-breakers. The big difference between properties and people is that people have core values, and more than anything to do with money or appearance or even hobbies, sharing most of the same core values is critical to a relationship lasting.

    Hugs and butterflies,

    1. Inga Deksne - Motivational Life Coach Post author

      Thanks Teresa for your comment. Agree, sharing core values is very critical to a lasting relationship, though we might not even to discover what values the other person has just because that person doesn’t wow you from the first moment. (this is what I tend to do in the past)

  3. Sue Burness

    I’m looking for a new apartment right now, and your suggestions are very helpful. Especially “If there are too many obstacles on your way to the desired results, stop and let it go, don’t get attached to the particular outcome, allow events unfold in a natural way.” I’d like to add: “Be prepared to let go of what you currently have, in order to create energetic space for something better”. After reading your post I realize it would serve me to take my own advice!

    1. Inga Deksne - Motivational Life Coach Post author

      Hi Sue, glad that you’ve found it helpful. Good luck with finding a new apartment.

  4. Dana Lisa Young

    Keeping an open mind, giving second chances and believing in abundance is a pretty good way to approach many things in life! The comparisons were very helpful, because both finding a place to live and finding a new relationship are emotional ventures where it can be hard to maintain objectivity.

    1. Inga Deksne - Motivational Life Coach Post author

      Thanks Dana, it might seem that on the quest to find a new place or a new love there are too many variables that we can’t control, however focusing on the desired result helps a lot. After settling in I’m going to apply the same principles to find a new love :)

  5. Lisa

    I love your analogy. It made me think about my own life. When I first met my husband, I knew he was the one. Also, I had the same feeling when I stepped into my current home. I knew it was the perfect house for me. I tend to live by my intuition though. But, your ideas are helpful for those in the process of house hunting, for sure. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Inga Deksne - Motivational Life Coach Post author

      Thanks Lisa. When you met your husband did you know from the very beginning that he was the one or it took some time?
      I tend to live by intuition as well, though sometimes self-doubts become louder.

  6. Hilary Parry

    I will keep these great tips in mind as I start my apartment hunt. I love that your inspiration came in finding similarly dissimilar things comparable! These are the best kinds of realizations, and I’m glad you shared them!

  7. Amy Zellmer

    I have had to let go of so many things this past year. A husband, friends, clients, etc. I am just now starting to heal and I feel so free because I have allowed myself to let go. GREAT post!!

    1. Inga Deksne - Motivational Life Coach Post author

      Thanks Amy. Letting go is the hardest part, I wish you a lot of energy and happiness to heal.

  8. Lisa Claudia Briggs

    Such a great analogy..I remember both house and husband “hunting” fondly.. and the ones I let go were definitely not “mine”. Trying different houses and potential mates on taught me a lot about myself and what my must-have’s were.
    Great post.
    love and blessings,
    Simple Sacred Solutions For Living Beautifully In Your Body

    1. Inga Deksne - Motivational Life Coach Post author

      Thanks Lisa. I’m learning too about myself on the way to my home and love of my life.

  9. Bri Saussy

    I have not had experiences in online dating but I have had experiences house hunting. In my case the house we ended up buying (that I adore) was only a block down from the house that we rented. I walked past it everyday and kept thinking “its too small” then I went in and man, was I wrong! So my lesson was-do not always trust the first impression :-)

    1. Inga Deksne - Motivational Life Coach Post author

      That’s so true Bri, sometimes, the first impression might be deceitful. Glad that you bought the house you enjoy living in. Even though I only rent my new place, I love it to bits.

  10. Courtney Weber

    This is so helpful! My partner and I are about to delve into the housing market to buy–a first for both of us! We both have our own ideas of what we want, but don’t really know how we’re going to make that happen. The analogy is great. This kind of mentality is what brought us together during the dating phase (although we were set up, not an online thing), and this is the mentality we’ll need to bring when we go to buy! Yay!

    1. Inga Deksne - Motivational Life Coach Post author

      Thanks Courtney, great that you found it helpful, wishing you all the best in house hunting:)

  11. Sammi Johnson

    Interesting comparison. “What you see is what you get” is not really in these days huh? The thing here is we can’t go wrong for both, so what I can say is that these tips are very helpful, whether I venture to house hunting or online dating. Lol! xoxo

    1. Inga Deksne - Motivational Life Coach Post author

      Thanks Samantha! I tried to use my tips for online dating, it works perfectly :)


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