“…going to view new flats is like going on a first date, every time you hope, this should be the one!”
While I was hunting for a new place of living, I found more and more similarities with online dating situations.
1. Browsing on the Internet
You go to the dedicated websites and search according to your desired qualities.
Number of bedrooms, location for flat hunting.
Age, height, hobbies – when looking for a date.
You choose someone based on how articulate the author of the profile is (in the case of flats – how skilful the letting agent is)
In both situations one should remember that …”beauty is in the eye of beholder…”
The profile on the dating site said “muscular build” which in reality turned out to be a fancy way of describing being slightly overweight.
When the property description states that it has 3 bedrooms, in the reality those three bedrooms were squeezed into the space which is much smaller than my 2 bedroom flat.
Tip: Don’t get your hopes high just by reading profiles. They are written in the way to draw your attention and make the move – to contact for more details. Keep your mind open.
They also serve to catch your attention. Pictures can be deceptive though. I don’t mind that the person on the picture looks better than in real life however when somebody puts on pictures that were taken 10 years ago I think it’s a bit desperate and can backfire.
I can easily adjust to the person whose photo on the dating profile differs from the reality, but I was really disappointed to discover truth when dealing with property viewings. There were only two pictures of the house – one – the house from outside and the other was the kitchen. Kitchen looked enormous, so I naively thought that if the kitchen is so big then the rest of the house should be decent size too. It turned out that it was an open plan kitchen and the rest of the rooms were tiny.
Dating: Keep an open mind. Don’t go on a date with somebody just because they look hot on the picture, make your decision about meeting up with the person based on conversations you had.
Property: be ready that pictures don’t show reality, base your decision to appoint the viewing on location, price and description.
3. Instant chemistry
Subconsciously we are looking for somebody we can click instantly from the day one and very often (at least me) we consider the possibility of the second date only if there was a “connection” on the first date.
This was my initial approach in looking for a property as well, it should be a “wow factor” entering the property or I wasn’t interested. Though when you have limited budget available it’s difficult to find the property that takes your breath away.
As you may guess it was my approach to dating situations as well – it’s either “butterflies in my belly” effect and the second date or we “can be just friend”. I should admit that instant chemistry dates usually didn’t work out in the end.
Tip: Give your date (property) a second chance. If your first encounter didn’t make your heart beats in excitement don’t write it off just yet. Get clarity what is the deal breaker for you, and if there is anything you can’t overlook only then turn the candidate down.
For example, I don’t mind if a man doesn’t make much money but being stingy is a deal breaker for me (and I don’t support the idea that a man should always pay on date, on the contrary, but if the man goes Dutch on the first date it’s a turn-off moment for me).
The house I’m moving in didn’t wow me in the beginning (it doesn’t have a bath tub, only shower) but something was very attractive about it. The more I thought about it, the more I liked it and I could picture myself living there for a long-term. After viewing it for the second time, I came to the conclusion that I liked it very much and now I’m looking forward to the day when I start living there. Give the second chance almost to everybody.
4. Believe in success
In the current property and dating market it is easy to succumb to the belief that the best options are taken and it’s difficult to find somebody/ something very decent nowadays.
The idea of giving up is very tempting and only the necessity to find a new place kept me going. I gave up on online dating a long time ago. My experience with flat hunting made me revisit my views on online dating and I would give it another go.
Tip: Yes, there is always a high demand for things and people you are looking for and at the same time there is abundance of everything you need.
Suggestion from Julie Geigle helped me a lot. Julie wrote on my FB wall:
“The perfect place, is coming at the perfect time, for the perfect price. Now see it, believe it, and feel it. Know that this is true!”
You can substitute the word “place” with anything that’s important for you. This affirmation gives you strength when it seems that you’ve reached the dead-end.
5. The Art of Letting Go
There are moments when you can’t get exactly what you want. The property that you liked so much had been taken the moments before you made an offer or the promising date suddenly disappeared from your life.
Looking back at the situations when I’ve almost made an offer for the property but due to various reasons couldn’t get it, I’m feeling very happy that it didn’t work out because my current property is the best deal I’ve got and I’ve saved more than £1,000 as the result.
I’m very grateful to all my dates who decided not to pursue relationship with me because the best suitable partner is awaiting me.
Tip: If there are too many obstacles on your way to the desired results, stop and let it go, don’t get attached to the particular outcome, allow events unfold in a natural way. (It’s not a suggestion not to take actions by the way, just step back for a moment and reflect.)
I would like to share a beautiful tip regarding dating and love from Orna and Matthew
“Release the belief that Love is hard. Release the need that Love must show up in a certain way, from one particular person. Love is limitless and ever expanding. If it feels contracting, it is not love. The right relationship is easy, particularly in the beginning. Release the need to struggle for it to feel like love – that is not love, it is attached to your imprinting of how you learned to receive love. Learning that love can be easy is the first step!”
Please share your tips and insights on finding a new place or new love!